


When the rain gets in

by Vyskalia



Series: Dead in the Water [3]
Category: Oasis (Band)
Genre: A bit word-heavy but the plot is taking me on a journey here, Dialogue Heavy, Gallaghercest | Liam Gallagher/Noel Gallagher Incest, Light Angst, M/M, Plotty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:40:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27072853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vyskalia/pseuds/Vyskalia
Summary: Noel is guilt-stricken and Sara would like to talk to him about some things.  The day afterthe night before.
Relationships: Liam Gallagher & Noel Gallagher, Liam Gallagher/Noel Gallagher, Noel Gallagher/Sara MacDonald
Series: Dead in the Water [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1965613
Comments: 16
Kudos: 49





	When the rain gets in

**Author's Note:**

> This story is becoming way too real for me right now I am down a rabbit hole, send help.  
> I feel it is a bit dialogue and plot-heavy, but I hope it makes some kind of sense. 
> 
> For reference: the infamous fight in Germany in 2002 did happen in Munich, and also Noel and Sara did split up at some point during 2002. So it seemed to work for this plot/timeline.

*  
Noel woke to the sound of his phone beeping softly in his jacket. He sat up, his head spinning, and clumsily fished around in the pockets. It was a call.  
Sara.

Sara was calling. He rubbed his eyes, the memory of the night before suddenly rising through the fuzzy pain that was tapping insistently at the back of his eyes. There had been whiskey and tequila, and an argument, and Liam.....  
Fuck. There had been Liam.  
The phone stopped ringing. He felt relieved. And also guilty. Sickening guilt, the kind that made him feel like his skin was crawling off his arms. It didn't help to hear Sara's voice in the voicemail a few moments later.  
'' _Morning, it's only me....um....give me a call when you get this ok? Hope you're alright, anyway.... Ok. Bye_.'' She sounded tired, defeated.  
He lay back slowly. He didn't want to disturb the still figure next to him. Turning his head, Noel watched Liam's quiet breathing as he slept on; serene as a baby, sprawled on his front with his arm tucked under his cheek. On the floor, on the other side of the bed, Noel could see his Armani shirt, tossed away carelessly. It was tangled in a dark blue t-shirt, the one Liam had been wearing when he'd answered the door last night. The soft navy fabric had made his eyes look Mediterranean-warm, and had made Noel want to kiss him until the end of time.  
He closed his eyes and tried not to think of what he had done instead.

  
Noel knew the guilt was exactly how he should feel. He knew that he should be ashamed of leading his brother astray all those years ago, ashamed of ever letting his beautiful wife down like this, and ashamed of still wanting _this_ ; this fucked-up, addictive feeling that pulled him back time after time. He knew all of this. But he also knew that these things simply vanished from his mind when Liam's eyes were fixed on his, full of need and want and fear. The sound Liam made when Noel kissed him would always drown out the guilt, no matter what. Noel took a deep breath and curled on his side, watching his brother. Liam's mouth was soft in sleep, his eyelashes dark against his skin and Noel's brain could only supply one thought; '' _Beautiful. The fucker's still beautiful_.''  
His head was pounding and his eyes were dry, and he wished he could just tuck himself under Liam's arm and go back to sleep. Slowly, he leaned close and pressed his lips against Liam's cheek, light as a feather and only a beat longer than he'd meant to. Then he pulled the duvet up over Liam's shoulders - they looked broader and more solid than he'd ever remembered before - and slipped out of the bed.

  
Splashing water in his face at the bathroom sink, he stared at his reflection. The figure looking back at him was a mess, eyes a little too red and skin a little too pale, hair sticking up at every angle. He found a spare toothbrush in the cabinet, and a bottle of some sort of fancy-looking hair product. After a few minutes he looked slightly more alive. He was careful to be silent as he pottered back to the bedroom; pushing the curtains open a little to see how shit the weather was going to be today. There was a black t-shirt on the windowsill, obviously left there by Liam. Noel put it on and buttoned up his jacket over the top. The shirts on the floor made him feel uncomfortable, so he took them downstairs and shoved them in the washing machine. The control screen on the front only made him mildly furious before something finally switched a little green light on and water started to fill the machine. He cursed all technology and began to scribble a note on the paper pad by the fridge.  
 _I'm sorry. I love you._  
He crumpled it up and shoved it in his pocket.  
 _Last night didn't happen. Had to go home. Love y-_  
He crumpled that up before he could finish. The thought of Liam, warm in the bed upstairs, suddenly filled his head and made his chest ache. He clenched his fist. Why did leaving always feel like this?  
The guilt twisted in his gut, a quiet reminder of what he should be doing.  
He scrawled; _Sorry for being drunk. Sara rang. Gone home. Maybe best if you don't call._  
He was a cunt, and he knew it. But Liam needed to hate him; it was always the best way for him to deal with this, Noel believed.  
After a thought, he added an '' _x_ '' at the end. As if that would soften things, distract Liam from the pure coldness. As if it would somehow convey the '' _I fucking love you with every bit of me but I can't stay, I'm sorry....fucking hell I love you so much_ ,'' that Noel was really trying to say.

  
He tucked the note under the kettle and let himself out of the front door. The empty bottle of tequila was where he'd left it in a plant pot by the porch. He ignored it; hopefully someone would photograph it and give Liam some gyp in the papers for it. He started to walk down the road, towards the main street, far enough away from the house to find a taxi and drag himself home.

**  
''Bleedin' dreadful day out, ain't it?'' The cab driver said, gazing up at the grey sky and narrowly avoiding crashing into the car in front. He looked back at Noel through the rear-view mirror, curiosity written all over his large, pink face. ''How's your day treating you anyway, mate?''  
Noel's answering grunt should have been a hint, a warning to not try to start a conversation, but the cabbie continued, oblivious. ''Bleedin' bus drivers, I ask you,'' he gesticulated out of the window and slid into the space in front of a double-decker, ignoring the horn blast that followed. ''Listen to him, reckon they rule the road, they do. Arseholes.''  
He peered again in the mirror. ''Hang on a second, don't I know your face? Ain't you that bloke out of Oasis?''  
Noel tapped his phone against his knee and wished he was dead. His head was throbbing from the worst hangover he'd had in a long time, and he had a strong suspicion that his stomach was trying to tie a knot round both itself and some other vital organs, maybe his liver, in order to put him out of his misery swiftly. He grunted once more, praying the traffic would begin to move soon. They were only a few streets away from Liam's house, and he was dreading how long this ride might be.  
''Yeah, that's the one, that's proper that is, proper,'' the driver was beaming now, ''mate, you're an absolute legend, you are. My daughter had Wonderwall sung at her wedding, y'know. Was bloody beautiful, this young chap sang it on acoustic and I don't mind telling you, there wasn't a dry eye in the house. Classic, son, what a classic,'' he paused to flick his middle finger up at a cyclist trying to pass on the outside, ''they don't wite songs like that anymore, I'll tell you that for nothing.''

'' _Fucking hell_ ,'' Noel thought, '' _I fucking hate this._ ''

  
''I tell you what though,'' the man carried on, ''not being funny mate, but you know. Really. When are you and your brother gonna make up, eh? Get the band back on the road, yeah?'' He chuckled and glanced over his shoulder, ''Can't be too long before the old bank balance starts looking a bit worse for wear, know what I mean?''

  
Noel looked at him silently. The cabbie looked back through his mirror and swallowed. The London traffic rolled forward a couple of feet and stopped again. The driver coughed and looked out of the window, whilst Noel pulled a £20 note out of his pocket. He dropped it on the seat next to him. Then he opened the door, hopped out into the line of stationary cars and weaved his way to the pavement.  
He'd rather fucking walk.

***  
Sara was unpacking a delivery box in the kitchen when Noel arrived back. She looked startled when he wandered in and poked his head into the fridge. Her brown eyes followed him, watchful, as he poured milk into a glass and carefully avoided her gaze.  
''The kids having a good time? No skiing accidents?'' Noel asked.  
''They're loving it out there, Donavan reckons he's fluent in French already,'' Sara smiled, ''Lou and Simon are having their work cut out though, looking after their boys as well as those two. It sounds like it's going to be hard to convince them to go on holiday with just boring old Mum and Dad after this.''  
Noel nodded. ''Yeah. Well. Good. Good that they're happy.''  
There was a too-long silence.  
''So. You're back,'' she said, uncertainly.  
Noel said nothing.  
''You look...'' Sara paused, '...you look tired.''  
''Walked back,'' he replied shortly, between gulps of milk.  
''Why?''  
''Tried to get a taxi. Driver was a cunt though, so I sacked him off and walked.'' He grimaced. ''Took fucking ages.''  
Sara sighed. ''You could have just called me back. I'd have come and got you...or something. I could have sent a car.... I don't know.''  
''Yeah, maybe, should have,'' Noel shrugged tiredly, ''whatever. I'm here now aren't I?'' He knew he was sounding like a spoilt teenager.  
''Yes.'' Sara's eyes looked a bit misty as she turned back to the table, picking off bits of tape from the parcel absentmindly. ''You're here. I thought maybe you wouldn't be, not for a while anyway.''  
The pause that followed made Noel's headache echo in his skull. He wanted to lie down on the cool kitchen floor and close his eyes and just sleep. Sleep until he woke up and realised this eerie, hostile silence was just a figment of his dreams.  
''Sara, I...'' He started. Sara covered her face suddenly, her shoulders sagging.  
''No...'' she said quietly.  
''Sara.''  
''Shut up, Noel, would you just, I....just please don't..''  
''I need a fucking shower and a kip, love.'' Noel was giving up on keeping a count of how many times he was going to sound like a cunt today. ''Can we talk....I don't know....can we talk later? I'm knackered, honestly.''  
Sara huffed out a laugh then; a sharp, painful sound. ''You look it. Jesus, Noel.....fine.'' She rubbed her face hard and turned to look at him again. ''You do look terrible. Go and get a shower. Or a bath or _something._ ''

  
Noel felt like a dog who'd misbehaved as he trailed upstairs. He knew the smell of booze and cigarettes was lingering on him, and God knows what else. He kicked off his shoes at the top of the stairs and hooked his jacket over their bedroom door handle. He didn't want to go into the room, not with the traces of last night still on his clothes and his skin.  
In the bathroom, the signs of his normal, perfect life were jarringly obvious. Sara's makeup and bath candles lined up neatly in the cabinet, his aftershave and toothpaste at the side of the sink. It was homely and orderly, and just how it should be. Unlike himself. Maybe it was too much to expect; that he could simply walk out of his old skin and become a new, clean, well-adjusted person, without the baggage of his past to tie him down and a desperate love for the one person in the world he should never, ever have fallen in love with.  
Pulling the baggy t-shirt over his head, the scent of Liam was suddenly all around him. He'd left such a crappy, half-arsed note behind, he mused. Liam would be raging when he found it. Noel had known it would hurt him, but at least Liam might be able to put it down as another case of 'the big brother being a massive cunt', and hopefully move on. Even if Noel could never move on - not really.  
The image came to him clearly, from last night; Liam shuddering under his touch, those blue eyes full of all the things they could never say to each other. For a moment, Noel felt like his legs would give out, exhaustion and emotion hitting him in a wave. He leaned on the sink, pressing his face into Liam's shirt, breathing deeply. Then he dropped it in the laundry basket, and covered it with the rest of his clothes.  
The shower wasn't hot enough to make him feel clean, but he scrubbed his skin till it was pink, wrapped a towel around his waist, brushed his teeth again and shaved haphazardly, eyes almost closed with tiredness. In the bedroom he shivered in the cool air, and scrambled into a hoodie and joggers before collapsing onto the bed, pulling the plush pillows against his face. The lingering bits of his hangover were drifting away, defeated, and he fell asleep amost instantly.

****  
It was getting dark when he woke. His head felt clearer than when he had fallen asleep and his stomach growled with hunger as he sat up.  
Sara was sitting in the big comfy chair by the window, Noel's jacket on the floor next to her. She was curled up, her knees pulled to her chest, looking out onto the garden. Her face was drawn, lips bitten red raw.  
Noel's heart sank when he saw she held two scraps of paper in her hands.  
He cleared his throat, his mouth feeling dry. ''What time is it?''  
''Nearly 6 o'clock.'' Sara didn't look at him.  
''I didn't mean to sleep that long, sorry,'' he mumbled, still staring at the slips of paper in his wife's hands. ''I was out like a light.'' He smoothed the bed cover with his hand and coughed. ''Anyway,'' he ended lamely, ''sorry.''  
''You left your jacket on the door,'' Sara said slowly.  
Noel felt cold. ''I....yeah. Yeah I did.''  
''I was going to wash it, so I checked....I checked the...um...'' Sara was talking almost as if to herself. ''I found these....I don't know what they are....but...but... I don't know. I don't know.''  
Noel said nothing, just watched as she patted the little scrawled notes out flat in her hands, until he could make out his own handwriting, crumpled but unmistakable.  
''What happened last night, Noel?'' Sara asked.  
He frowned, scratching his neck. ''The cab took me to....to..''  
''His house. Liam's house.''  
''Yeah. The driver just stopped in the street and I got out and I was still blind fucking drunk, Sara, I didn't know what the fuck I was doing there...''  
Sara clicked her tongue, ''you weren't _that_ drunk, come on now.''  
''I'd been drinking since before we even went out, I was hammered,'' he insisted, ''d'you think I would have said....what I said, if, if,'' he stumbled on the words, ''if I'd been fucking sober?''  
''So you remember what you said then?'' Sara's voice was hard.  
Noel stared at her then, feeling helpless. ''I think so?'' he said, eventually, ''I think so.''  
''You were being a miserable bastard all day, darling,'' Sara said, sighing. ''No, let's get that right; you've been a miserable bastard for months now. I thought it was the stress of the album, or something, I didn't know, but it's been fucking worrying me, you know?''  
Noel nodded.  
Sara dropped her face into her hands, letting the little notes fall to the floor. She sounded like she was trying not to cry as she spoke.  
''I feel like I'm going fucking crazy, Noel. Honestly, I've been worrying about you, you've not been yourself, and I've been going over and over things in my head, it's not normal but I've been going out of my mind - '' she paused to take a shaky breath, ''and I need you to talk to me about what the hell is going on in your head because I know _something's_ wrong and I'm damned if you're going to make me look like a pure fool and hide it from me.''  
''Sara,'' Noel started,  
''No, listen to me,'' Sara looked up, suddenly furious, '' _Listen_ to me. Why do you think I did that last night? Sending you off across town. It was a mad thing to do, right? Let me tell you, Noel, let me bloody well tell you a few things. Because I'm not going crazy, and you aren't telling me something.'' She stopped and rubbed her eyes. When she spoke again, it made Noel's stomach turn.  
''Do you remember Munich?''  
Sara's eyes filled with tears as she stared across the room at him. Noel could only stare back, wordless and tight-lipped.  
''I mean, obviously, you remember. Hard to forget, right?'' Her voice shook. ''I remember it too. And...and I've been thinking about it, like I swore I'd never fucking think about it ever again, but it's been all I can think about for I don't know how long, and clearly, I-I've been so bloody stupid, Noel, so _stupid_....'' The tears shone wet on her cheeks, and Noel closed his eyes.

  
Munich. 2002. That fucking week from hell. The arguments and the drinking and Alan sulking around stirring trouble with Liam. The fight and the headlines and everyone walking on eggshells until Liam had been retrieved from the police cell and the photographers had run for the hills with their precious story safe in their grubby hands. Noel did not want to remember any of it. But he would never forget that one night that began it all.  
He fought to keep the images out of his head. Liam, who'd been angry and fidgety, unable to stay still; watching Noel all day and driving him insane. Pretty German groupies hanging around aimlessly, forgotten. An obscure rehearsal studios with too many quiet, unused rooms. Liam's eyes bright with anticipation. Liam's hands pressing bruises into his arms in the dim light, holding Noel against the wall as he kissed him like a starving man. Noel trying to push him back, fearful of the unlocked door but desperate for one more touch, always just one more. The push of Liam's cock through his jeans, hard against his own; and then a slant of light falling on the back of Liam's neck and Noel's heart stopping for what seemed like an eternity. Sara's face in the doorway, confused and pale and twisted in disgust.  
The images flooded Noel's brain. He clenched his fists and didn't open his eyes. He remembered the words he'd spoken to try to fix things. The shambolic, magnificent lies that Sara had wanted so badly to believe. The terrible things he'd said about Liam, which were the only things he knew would allow Sara to ever look at him again. The realisation of how much she must love him, to be able to believe the things he was saying.  
Yes. Noel remembered Munich.

  
Sara was speaking again. ''Right. Right, so I'm not going to do this, this whole thing of dragging up the past, or whatever, okay? But, fucking hell....'' She paused to wipe the tears from her face. Noel opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling.  
''Noel, I am not stupid. Not anymore. You gave me all that shit about how he was crazy, and how hard it's been for you having to deal with him, and all these years I've just gone along with it, but shall I tell you what I've been thinking? I've been thinking, why is that bastard so obsessed with you? I mean, Jesus, you keep telling me he's crazy, but why?'' Sara held a hand up as Noel started to reply, ''No, wait, I'm not done. You've been acting oddly the past few months now, so I've been worrying. And then I heard you playing that song...'' Noel put his face in his hands, but she continued, ''I heard that fucking song, and I watched you playing it, and I felt like such a fool Noel, like you were just laughing at me all this time....'' She stood and walked to the window, her face crumpled and tear-stained.  
''You told me it was always him being crazy, but now I think you never told me that you're crazy too, Noel. I believed you for so long, and now I don't,'' her words broke on a sob, ''I know you're only telling me half the truth. And I'm so tired of it...so tired.''  
''It was just a song,'' Noel spat suddenly, ''and it was a shit one. What's such a big deal about it? What's changed, Sara, really?''  
Sara moved quickly, picking the scraps of paper off the floor and twisting them in her hand. Noel flinched when she threw them in his face. She was shaking with rage, leaning over him. ''I don't think anything's changed with you, actually. I think I just stopped being a blind idiot. Maybe that's the only change.''  
''You said yourself, Sara, he's obsessed with me, right, so...''  
''I know!'' Sara shouted, ''I know that. But why? That's what I want to know. Why is he always after you, if he knows that you hate him as much as you always say you do? How did you ever manage to work together for God knows how long, if he's so crazy? And _why_ ,'' she was almost yelling in his face now, ''why did you write a fucking love song about him? You wrote it here, you told me. In _our house_ Noel....'' She turned away; leaving Noel silent, his face burning. The quietness in the room was jarring.  
After a few moments, she left the room.

Noel lay back on the bed. The pillows were soft and smelled of home and Sara and everything he was holding onto for dear life. Everything that was slipping away from him faster than water through his fingers. He closed his eyes. The images still flickered in his head, taunting him. Liam's face when he'd realised who was watching them, the look he had given Noel - like a challenge; _who will you choose Noel, which one of us will you choose?_  
In the end, Noel had chosen Sara. And lied through his teeth to keep her. And Liam had never forgiven him. Their lives had gone on much like before, but Liam had never looked at him the same. The damage had been done, and it was only a matter of time before Liam was left behind for good, before Noel had finally closed the door on his past, and shut Liam outside with it.  
Noel let out a breath he'd been holding, and opened his eyes. He got up and changed into a jumper and jeans. He went to the bathroom and washed his face; avoiding the mirror in case he saw any more truths he didn't want to see.  
Downstairs, Sara was sitting watching the TV, a cup of tea beside her. It looked ridiculously domestic and normal; Noel almost laughed. He sat beside her without speaking. Someone on the TV was trying to convince a panel of millionaires to lend them a few thousand pounds for a vegan coffee bar startup business. The man on the screen sweated as one of the millionaires told him that his facts and figures didn't add up. Noel knew exactly how he felt.  
Sara glanced over at him. There was pity in her eyes.  
''So are you going to tell me the truth?'' she said.  
Noel didn't look at her. ''What do you want me to say?''  
''Anything,'' she said, ''just tell me the truth. Am I going insane? It feels like I am.''  
''I don't know what you want to know, Sara,'' he snapped suddenly. ''Are you looking for some big confession, a headline? 'Breaking news: I never knew the man I married?' Is that what I'm supposed to give you?''  
She sniffed and looked away. ''Don't be a cunt, please.''  
''Sorry.''  
''I don't think I do know you sometimes.'' She was quiet for a moment. ''I just feel like a fool, you know?''  
''You're not.'' Noel frowned. ''You're, you're....well. You're not.''  
Sara raised her eyebrows. ''Great. Thanks.''  
''I don't mean... I meant that you're wonderful, fucking hell Sara, you're my -''

  
''Did you fuck him?'' She was so quiet he hardly caught it.

  
''What?''

  
''You heard me. Did...did you two....''  
Noel leaned forward and twisted his hands through his hair. ''Fucking hell Sara.''  
''He used to say you did. H-he used to say that I was always going to be in second place, because you loved him more,'' her voice shook, ''and I used to think he was just tapped in the head and coked up and all the things you said he was....but now....''  
The man on the TV was being shown the door, forlorn and clammy.  
''Now I don't know anymore Noel. Half of me thinks I'm just losing my marbles, and half of me remembers when you sang that _bloody song_ ,'' Noel grimaced as she carried on, ''and then last night, I could see something in your eyes. You weren't right. And when you said it was about him, I just...I don't know.''  
''You went mental from what I remember,'' Noel tried to keep his tone flippant, sarcastic.  
''Yes. I did. Do you blame me?''  
Noel sighed. ''All this, from a stupid song that could be about anything?'' He was trying to play a dangerous game, he knew. ''I don't see what you could-''  
''Oh, shut up Noel. Just shut the fuck up.'' She spat the words. ''I thought we agreed I'm not a fool.''  
''I said -''  
''You said the song was about him. You said it was a mistake ever leaving him, and that you were sorry for lying to me. Those were your words, Noel. Even if you were too pissed to remember. You looked me in the eye and said that. And I was supposed to be fine with that.'' She laughed bitterly, ''I just wanted you out of my sight. Why do you think I sent you off to him? I was expecting you to refuse to go, but off you went. I should have told you not to come back.'' Her eyes were shining wet once more.  
Noel looked up at her.  
''Did I say all that?''  
Sara simply stared at him, then turned back to the TV.

''So did you fuck him?''

  
Noel felt the last droplets of his life trickle out of his hands.

  
''Sometimes.'' His voice was steady.  
Sara's knuckles were white as she sipped her tea.  
''Okay.''  
''I'm sorry.''  
''People said...they told me things.'' She placed the cup on the table and kept her eyes on the telly screen. ''I should have known.''  
''I'm sorry.''  
Sara didn't reply. Her face was pale, and she looked small and tired, hunched in the plush leather of the sofa.  
Noel left the room and went upstairs. His phone was on the bed. He typed a message, and the reply was instant; a car would arrive for him outside the house in 15 minutes. He picked up the screwed up bits of paper on the floor, and threw them in the bin. His hands shook as he pulled his jacket on.  
On his way past the lounge, he stopped in the doorway. Sara was stretched on the sofa, still staring sightlessly at the TV, a cushion hugged tightly to her chest. He wanted to curl up next to her, run his hands through her hair and kiss her until he was forgiven.  
''I'm going home.''  
She didn't look at him. ''Okay.''

*****  
In the car a few moments later, his driver nodded to him in the rear view mirror.  
''Back to Hampshire, is it? Should take us about an hour, this time of evening.''  
''Yeah Mike, that's fine.''  
''Waiting for the missus?''  
Noel swallowed. ''No. It's just me.''  
Mike looked faintly surprised for a split second, then nodded again.  
The car slid away into the road. Noel stared at his phone. A message had beeped through as he'd walked down the the steps and away from the house.  
 _Love you too u wanker. I kno you said it. why did u even come over that was wierd but ok. miss you but we need to talk like brothers. dont ignore me again yeah LG x_  
Noel typed blindly, hardly seeing the screen. He hit send.  
 _think sara and me are done. don't know what to do. I need to see you. please. N_


End file.
